The crowning moment of the classic monster movie Bride of Frankenstein comes when the lonely monster finally meets the new mate his master has lovingly assembled for him. Her first act as a conscious being is to shriek in terror at the sight of her aspiring husband. Of course that’s terrible for anyone’s self-esteem, let alone that of an undead monster who’s painfully aware that he’s been cobbled together from stolen corpses. The requisite monster rampage follows, with all the smashing and screaming and torch-carrying mobs you might expect.Perhaps all of that unpleasantness could have been avoided if Dr. Frankenstein had just started a little smaller. Tossing a couple of freshly minted, reanimated corpse monsters together and hoping to see instant sparks is a tad unrealistic. Why not give the big guy a puppy friend to begin with? The good doctor could even keep his bridal design, maybe with a polyester dress that fastens with Velcro and features elastic gathers at the sleeves. And for that iconic hairdo, a two-tone wig with elastic chin strap to keep everything in place. Maybe it’s not quite the scientific triumph that giving your monster a bride would be, but everyone has to start somewhere.
